Trusting In Our Father

Learning to trust is important to everyone, and it is especially important in the life of a child. However, life experiences can often disrupt the process of building trust, both the trust we place in others, and the trust we place in God.

Born and raised in Oxford, England, young Becky enjoyed a great life. She had a great family, good schooling, and a vibrant church life. However, at eight years old, life took a dramatic turn as her father accepted the pastorate of a church in Canada.

Becky’s first challenges were just trying to fit in. “When we moved, it was hard to make friends coming into Canada,” said Becky. Leaving behind many of the trusted relationships she had enjoyed in England, it was difficult living up to the expectations of others in her new surroundings.

Becky and her mom on a family vacation in Portsmouth.

But as the process of leaving the comfortable and familiar proved challenging to Becky, a bigger challenge occurred when her father fell into deep depression and mental illness. He became unable to pastor, and unable to be the father she desperately needed in her life. Becky’s father closed her and the family out, and retreated into isolation. Behind the bedroom door was a man battling the deepest pain of depression and mental illness. On the other side of the door, a daughter who felt abandoned and alone. Becky wondered where the familiar, happy, and trusted things of life had all gone.

When she was fourteen, Becky’s father was admitted to the hospital and officially stopped pastoring. And while her father may have started to get help, Becky started to develop her own struggles with mental health and an eating disorder. In the process, she stopped walking with the Lord, and sought the comfort and acceptance she needed from her father in relationships with other men.

Becky viewed her father’s inability to provide the love she needed as abandonment not only by him, but also by God. The relationships she pursued with other men introduced her to alcohol and marijuana to dull her pain. The spiral of substance abuse got worse in college with an addiction to both alcohol and cocaine.

After two years, Becky recognized that she needed help in dealing with her addictions, so she was admitted to a secular addiction rehabilitation program. During this time, the Lord brought various Psalms to her mind, planting seeds of His enduring love for her. Unfortunately, Becky’s heart was still stubborn toward the Lord. Realizing that she would spiral into old habits again, she reached out to His Mansion. The problem was not only one of addictions, but of a broken, hardened heart that needed to be mended.

Initially, Becky greeted His Mansion with sarcasm, anger, and doubt as to whether or not God really cared about her life. However through the testimony of others, the Lord reached out to her, and her heart began to soften toward him. The process was not easy. It was a matter of building trust in the Lord—a trust she had lost so long ago. Having walked through so much pain, it was hard to believe that God really cared.

“He has refined almost every part of my personality, and taught me that He loves me because of who He is, not because of who I am.”

Becky (left) celebrating her sister’s engagement and bridal shower.

But God in His mercy brought Becky to the place of trust—trusting in his love both in the past and the future. He showed her His faithfulness in all things. “I am so glad that He is sovereign over my life. He has used every path that I’ve tried to use to get away from Him, to bring me back into His loving embrace.” Throughout her time at His Mansion, she focused on her relationship with her father. They were able to work through their pain, and though he is no longer in pastoral ministry, he is well and working in a job where he is able to share the Gospel with others.

Becky graduated from the resident program in January 2019, and began working as a Servant Leader for His Mansion in March 2019. Becky said of her time as a Servant Leader, “It was one of the most difficult things I ever did,” quickly adding that the experience was “really refining.” She looks forward to seeing how God will use her time as a Servant Leader at His Mansion as she moves on in school and life.

The Lord continues to move in Becky’s life. Currently, she is pursuing further education, studying criminology. Her desire is to show compassion and empathy to those who have made mistakes, and then work in leading them to a place of restoration and healing.

“He has refined almost every part of my personality, and taught me that He loves me because of who He is, not because of who I am,” said Becky. Like Becky, we are all in a place of learning to trust—to trust others and to trust God. We learn to trust the Lord with our past, to deliver us from the pain that we once dwelled upon, and we begin to trust Him with our future.